.

How we met, 08062013.

  A day where I made a decision for myself, that maybe, I was finally ready to settle down. Head down to Dream with a heavy heart, thinking about how I could put it into words to tell him, "I'm ready now."

  I was introduced to his friends, including you, as his "ex-girlfriend". You pretty much caught my attention with the striking blue pants you were wearing, and you were standing tall, definitely an eye catcher. We hit da club separately but soon found our way back to each other. I was feeling gloomy that he actually ditch me up at the podium alone just to get close to her girl. But then, your sweet embrace soon came to reach. For that moment I thought, I wasn't alone anymore. We danced, we talked. And found out that we had something in common, that we were "partners". I knew I had to do something to keep in contact with you, scheming but true, I asked for a morning call from you. And you didn't hesitate and agreed on it. I thought to myself, plan succeed! That's how, it all begins...

 Remember how I asked you whether it was a small world or fate that we met? You told me "Fate I guess, I believe everything is planned by god." Fate, fate brought us together.

Our first date, 09062013.

  Our first date, our first movie together. You booked the tickets without telling me and we end up being late for the movie. Sucha sillyass. We went into the theatre full of people and got seated down only 15 minutes after the show. But it didn't matter to me, as long as you were beside me. During the movie, your silly laughter made me feel a tinge of happiness that I didn't feel for a long time, after him. 

  After the movie, we went to grab starbucks, the main reason that brought us closer. We had a long chat, hours past without knowing, and that's when I slowly open up to you, letting you know me. I told you my past experience of dating a Gemini dude, telling you I've trust issues regarding this particular horoscope. That's when you reassured me, you were never ever gonna be like him. I gradually gave you my trust, with your continuous reassurance. Never did I knew, I was slowly falling in love you too.

3 hours, 12 cupcakes, 10062013.

  I was working that day, and you told me, "I think you gonna be surprise later." It was busy and I honestly didn't put too much notice on what that text actually meant. During my break time and I merely grabbed my drink and went out for a smoke. Not soon after I lighted my stick, a man voice said "Sorry, can I borrow your lighter?" When I took out my lighter and turn towards the voice, it was you. You were standing right behind me, with your sweet smile on your face. I was head over heels, crazily happy to see you after sucha hectic day. In your hands were 12 cupcakes that you bought for me, how can I not possibly fall for you? You kept asking me to eat them, but I refuse to. Not because I wasn't hungry, I was famished, but I didn't just wanna eat them up, I wanted to take a picture of it, to keep it as a memory, our memory. I figured out it will be dumb to tell you upfront, so I just kept mum.

  You waited 3 hours for me to end work, I was really really touched. We went to grab dinner together and we went to my void deck to talk. That's when I made a lie, a lie that you soon expose me. It's the day when I let you learn, my deepest and darkest secret. Despite knowing the ugly truth, you gave me your sweet reassurance yet again, "I really want you to be in my life." 

  The day I knew that I want you in my life, and I thought that you were the one, the one I was waiting all along. And I told you not to walk outta my life without telling me why, and you told me "I never did that to any girl, so are you. I know your past is complicated, I believe that I can change you and I will do my very best. So must you alright? Believe in me and believe in yourself you can." I was falling deep, and fast...

Your first visit to my place, 11062013

  You came over after your tattoo appointment, despite knowing I had a wedding to attend, you wanted to spend time with me. It was a sweet thought. You fell asleep on my bed while waiting for me to get ready, I was trying not to make any noise to wake you up, because you looked so adorable when you were asleep. But still, you woke up and saw my super wet hair. You asked me if I really did dried my hair, and you helped me to dry my hair. You were incredibly sweet to me, even in the slightest things, that's why it made you my sweetiepie. 

  We head out and took our first photo together while waiting for the train. You had to drop off first to meet your friends because I couldn't spend the day with you. That's when my friend asked me, "What if you see him with a different girl later on at town?"  I told her confidently, he won't. Coincidentally, we really did bumped into each other at town. And indeed, you was with a girl, with her and your bestie. I choose to walk pass you, without saying hi. I told you that I figured out it will be awkward to head over. But the truth is, I didn't know my place, I didn't know if I walked over I can just hug you and claim that you are mine. I didn't wanna make a fool outta myself, or make you feel embarrassed or awkward. At that moment, all I wanted was for you to come over and hugged me, but you didn't. You let me walk away...

Your birthday, 13062013.

  I was up very early that day, and I had already planned what I wanted to do. Because I thought that even though I might not be able to afford any expensive gift for you, I might as well do what I can to show you that I really cared. I can't explain how much I hate to be out shopping alone, but I was willing to do it for you. With just the to-buy list in my phone's memo, I was ready to go. I had a hard time at the bakery shop because the muffin holder was out of stock and tons of unexpected things happened. But I managed to get all the ingredients and I decided to head over to Daiso to buy a pretty box and plastic bag along with it. I swear it was the most retarded thing I've ever done out on my own. They didn't have muffin or cake box so I had to find gift boxes as a replacement. I wasn't sure if the size of the muffin could fit, so I took out the muffin paper and place it inside the boxes to see which one could fit better. I could see people staring, but I just had to do it.

  I went home in a rush trying to let things be done before I meet you. You were pretty impatient that day too, you left house to come over but I told you I was running errands and you hit the gym instead. We met in the late afternoon, and I passed you your little surprise from me. I remembered you told me that you were really touched because I am the first girl that actually made something for you. I am glad you appreciate my little thought, and I hoped that you were genuinely happy and touched. That's when you made a promise to me, you promise me that you will do something for me for my birthday. I believed you...

The long walk home, 14062013.

  The night you were suppose to head over to Mansion but instead, you came over to pick me up from work. You waited for me, yet again. You told me you wanted to spend more time together, so we decided to walked back to my place from Compasspoint. 

  It was a long walk back home, but filled with laughter and happiness. You were singing all the random chinese, korean and thai songs that came into your mind and it really cracked me up. You kept asking me to sing to you, and that day I did. We sang, we walked, we talked, we laughed. I felt so blessed to have you, doing all this silly things with me, bringing happiness back into my life and knowing how to love again. It feels like I could feel again, after numbing myself for so long. You brought me back to life, do you know that? 

When I knew how much you matter to me, 15062013.

  The day when I finally lay my lips against your mouth. And boy, I blushed. Even though I blush very easily, but that was different. It was sweet, tender like it was my first love all over again. It was a very special moment, for me. 

  

  You were supposed to celebrate your birthday with your friends, and the day I finally have a night out with my girls after so long. But the day didn't go well, and my girls have to leave. And you offered me to join you and your friends. I wanted to spend time with you despite knowing that I've to face him, and your friends. I just wanted to be with you. You drank a little too much and you were all over the place. You were protecting me all the while like I'm little girl and I actually love the feeling. You pushed guys away from me and hold me like I'm the only thing that matters to you in the crowded dance floor. I wanted the moment to last forever, I want you to protect me for the rest of my life, I want to be in your arms and never let go.

 We head over to the sofa area to find your bestie, and her. You were very tipsy. The moment you saw her kissing with another guy, you felt the need to stand up for your boy. At that moment, I thought you were just being a good friend. But now I questioned, if it was because you already had feelings for her. You held her by the waist and talked in her ears, I stood there dumbfounded. I felt lika fool, I really did. But I choose to pretend it was merely a friendly gesture, a need to stand up for you friend. We went out of the club and you were raising your voice trynna talk things out with your friend. That was when a group of plain clothes policemen came up to you. They thought you were trying to start a fight because of the tone of your voice and because you were tipsy. When they made you stand at a side, I was mad worried. I was on the verge of crying because I felt so helpless and I wanted to hold you and I want you to tell me everything will be alright. At that moment, I knew, I knew how much you meant to me. How afraid I am to lose you...

  You were acting lika kid asking me not to go home alone because you were worried. And you didn't want me to leave with him, I guess you were jealous. So I decided to stay with you, I choose work over you. Because I can't possibly throw you by the streets, I know you'll be fine by the end of the day, but I want you to know that, no matter what happens, I will be here for you. At your most vulnerable state, I can't bear to leave you and I won't. I sent you back home and that was when you told me, you wanna protect me and you don't want me to leave you. My heart sank. Was it all drunk words, or did you actually meant all of it? 

Your bb, 23062013

  You took care of me when I got tipsy. Your mum too. She bought us food, showed care and concern, and bother to engage conversations with me, telling me about how you used to be when you were little, and telling me more about you. When she saw all the blue blacks on my body, and she actually helped me to rub all of them. I felt really pampered, like it was a sign of acceptance from her. And from what you told me from your experience from your ex girlfriends, I thought she actually did like me. But I guess it was just my foolish thinking now.

  We were waiting for the train that was when you finally asked me, "bb, when you wanna officially be my bb?" I was head over heels and I couldn't find the right words to say, so I just said okay. And you were pretty mad because I just said okay and didn't answer in a proper sentence. But in my heart, I thought, I could finally call you mine, I was your girl...

My birthday, 25062013

  I was really mad that you only offered to meet me in the evening. I was literally waiting the whole day for you, and I got so upset and disappointed I cried. I really didn't wanna throw my temper at you, but honestly, it was something that no girls can accept. You called and text, I tried to ignore them but I just can't hold my pride to ignore you. I went down to meet you as I had to grab something from the grocery store, and you were sitting there smoking, empty handed...

  You came up and talked to my mum while I was getting ready. At the moment, I thought you were building a bond with my mum, having the thought that we will last, that this actually meant something to you. I really appreciate the effort, because I can't hold long conversations with my own mum. But you did, and you talked to her like she was someone close to you. It was a sign of relief that my mum actually liked you. We head over to haji lane for shisha and beer. Yet again, we talked everything under the moon. All the disappointment and sadness went away and just the simple talk over beer will do. Because I wanna spend that special day with you, my special someone. Everything else didn't matter, as long as I'm with you. I am so simple to please...

  Remembered when someone called me bb and you took my phone and told him off by saying you're my boyfriend? I needed that, I needed to see how much you want me, how much you need me, how far you'll go to protect me...

Confrontation, 06072013

  I had no idea why, things just started to fade off. The conversations were getting shorter, getting colder. I couldn't help it anymore, I had to do something, to fight for it. And I asked you, what were we. You answered coldly, "I'm sorry, I feel so uncertain about it...Sorry." I knew, everything's gonna end soon...

Her, 11072013.

  You posted "Wednesday Movie Date" on your twitter via instagram, my heart ached when I saw it. I immediately went to instagram to see who was it. It was her. I broke down and cried my heart out. It was just 5 days ago you told me you were unsure about your feelings, and then, you moved on...

  I didn't make a big fuss out of it, I didn't confront you anymore, I didn't rant like a bitch on twitter. I did nothing. I gave up fighting for the non existed love, because all those fighting just made me look more like a fool to you, a joke to your friends. I just kept silence, and let the pain slowly eat up my remaining soul...

Insult, 16072013. 

  I still can't get over you, I was practically telling my girlf how hurt I felt because she was the only person I can confide to. I guess she felt pissed off by your actions, for moving on so fast, in her eyes you were practically playing me. So, she tweeted something that was insulting regarding you. It might be she's trying to start off an argument, but I'm pretty sure it's because she felt like she needed to stand up for me too.

  Never will I expect you to insult me indirectly on twitter. I had already kept mum from everything that you've done, and yet you have the cheek to say that I am fast in accepting people into my life? Not only you said that, and you went along when all those girls replied to that tweet and continue the insult. Were you protecting me when you did all these? I was really broken. Literally, shattered into pieces. You've become someone that I don't recognize, I don't even know if I know you anymore...

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  I remembered every single thing that happened, every single word you told me, every promise you made. I remembered how safe I felt when I was in your arms, how happy and blessed to have you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want you to protect me forever, like I'm your girl that you're afraid to lose. But all the things I remembered became memories, all the I wants became one sided feelings. Why did you give up on me? I gave my everything to you, my hope, my faith, my trust, my love. I was learning to love again, getting back onto my feet. I was numb for so long, and you changed me. You made me feel again, you made me switched on my feelings again. I let you in, let you know every deepest, darkest side of me, and you just left with the door wide open. And now that you're gone, you took every part of me away too. Unknowingly, the switch is off again...

 You were long gone, to her. I don't know since when, I don't want to know. I just hope that she will love you as much as I do. I hope that she will do anything to make you smile, because your smile is the sweetest thing on earth. I hope that she will be the girl that knows what you like to eat and make all the good food for you and pamper you like a kid. I hope that she will treat you as her everything and treasure you like a gem that she'll be afraid to lose. I hope that she will try to communicate with your mum, and she'll like her. I hope that she will be proud to be your girl...

  I just want you to be happy and wish that I am the one to make you happy. And i swear, this will be the last time I'm gonna cry for you. I understand, I love you sweetiepie, always have always will.