.

  After you, I lost the ability to love. It might be the fear within me, it might the failed relationships I've seen. One thing that's crystal clear in my mind right now, I can't put my heart on the line anymore. & all I need right now is someone who can love me more than I can love him, someone who shower me the amount of care & concern to change me, to have the ability to trust, to love yet again.

  It's been 2 years, not that I can't get over you. & I'm genuinely happy for you that you are able to love yet again. But there's a stone in my heart, feeling that I've let you down, fearing that my debts aren't all cleared, the guilt that I'll never get over. I've let you down, what makes me think that I've the capability to not let abybody else down too. I'm beyond broken, I'm beyond fix. Because I don't trust love anymore. Because they will eventually leave me no matter what.

  I know that using cards to count my fate was a foolish enough act. But first time the result is that the problem lies with me, because I've unresolve issue with myself, and the second time was the same result, the third time I've to believe, that it is true, because I can't put my fears aside. I know that the feelings are there, maybe it's the lack of courage for them to confess. But, eventually, I've to get over myself. I still think that if I can't love myself, who will? Because I find no reason, any point worthy, to love myself. I've screw up in life a thousand times, I guess after all these while, I chose to give up myself before I could let anyone else in.

  But I know, if you give me a chance to love you right, I will. But I know, I need time to myself to fix me. Maybe it's months, or even years, or maybe never...I hope, sincerely, someone would eventually love me soon. Because these 2 years of being alone, having to go through shit alone, having to put up a strong front just to get on with life...

  Honestly, I'm sick and tired. Of being alone, standing all alone against the whole world. Please, be here soon. I need to love again.